The rules of engagement

Pam Black, Celebration House

If Alfred Tennyson’s famous observation that, ‘in Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love’, is anything to go by, the season in question fast approaching, and there could be many men in the southern hemisphere going down on bended knee over the next few months, uttering ‘please will you marry me’.

The festive season in particular is extremely popular for engagements — probably due in part to that feeling of goodwill that tends to be around at Christmas. In addition, it’s a time when families come together, making it an ideal occasion for them to share in the celebration.

Over the years, the manner in which marriage proposals are made has changed considerably. All that was required in the past was for the guy to go down on bended knee in the girl’s front parlour. These days it’s most encouraging to see an increasing number of men putting a lot more thought and effort into their proposals. For those of you who are ready to commit and take the plunge, I have compiled a list of do’s and don’ts, as well as ideas to get you on your way.

What you must do:

* A marriage proposal is a very special moment between two people, and one that you will both remember for the rest of your lives. When asked, most women say they will never forget the words their future husband uttered when asking them to be their wife. So you have been warned… be sincere and choose your words wisely!
* Take time to consider the feelings of the person to whom you are planning to propose and the kind of proposal you think she? would like.
* Visit the restaurant where you are planning to propose in advance and choose a suitable table that will allow you some privacy. Speak to the waiter and arrange to have a bunch of flowers brought to your table at an agreed time (after the proposal). Try and choose a table with a view of the sea (or water of any kind) — or of Table Mountain lit up — this always works well.
* Bear in mind that you don’t have to spend a fortune on your proposal. Many girls would also find a simple picnic in a romantic setting (such as a wine farm, or on the rocks at sunset) just the ticket.
* Remember that even a simple proposal at home would work, but if you choose this route, surprise her with a house filled with flowers and candles, scatter some rose petals around and have a good bottle of bubbly chilled and ready.
* Try and broach the subject in some way before you propose, so you have a clear idea of her feelings for you.
* Tell her dad of your intentions before popping the question. It may be old-fashioned, but he will love you for it and it could become a good bonding exercise.
* Once you have popped the question and she has replied ‘yes’, the first people to be told should be your respective parents. This should preferably be done in person or by phone. Once they have been told, you can then shout it to the world!

And on the list of don’ts…

* Put the ring inside a glass of champagne or in any food. This trick is now old and hackneyed and you also run the risk that she might swallow, or even worse — choke on it!
* Propose to her in front of a 1000-strong live audience at a rock concert, especially if she has a shy and retiring personality. (I witnessed this once and the poor girl looked as though she would have given anything to be a thousand miles away).
* Plan to drive hundreds of kilometres to her home town to surprise her with a marriage proposal, unless you are sure her work commitments will allow her to take time off to see you.
* Plan to propose to her on a helicopter trip over the Peninsula, unless you know she has the same feelings as you do about flying. The last thing you want is to have someone on your hands turning green, while you’re attempting to be at your romantic best.
* Propose first thing in the morning as she wakes up, or when she is looking her worst. Most women would love to be proposed to when they are looking and feeling at their best. (Although, as one bride-to-be said: ‘If he proposed to me looking like that, he must really love me!).
* Buy her a ring, unless you know exactly what she likes. Nearly all women would prefer to choose their own.