Sex 365 days a year

Article By: Bryony Whitehead

Five years ago a wife in North Carolina promised her husband sex every day for the whole of his 40th year. The impact that her promise had on her relationship was so profound that she wrote a book about it entitled 365 Nights.

Charla Muller was criticised by some as punting the “obedient wife” role, and was told by others that sex was a thing men wanted more than women. Her answer: sex and the intimacy that comes with it is just as important to women as it is to men. It’s just that women need it for different reasons.

“I get a lot of husbands coming up to me, saying: ‘I really need my wife to read your book.’ I will always say: “Actually, I think you need to read the book,’” Muller explained in an interview with Daily Mail.

Her book proved a revelation to many — both women and men.

Starting from what was simply an imaginative birthday gift for her husband, Muller realised that her philosophy around her own sex life had a far broader reach that applied to many other men and women in long-term relationships.

Any relationship will start with passion, but as years go by and life gets in the way, the novelty can wear off, with sex moving down the list of priorities and sometimes dropping off altogether. But this loss of intimacy can have more of an impact on your relationship than you may think and that’s because physical intimacy plays a larger role than just satisfying a base urge.

When Muller first suggested the idea to her husband, Brad, he wasn’t particularly impressed and argued that sex should be spontaneous. But Muller pointed out that life with a mortgage and two kids was anything but spontaneous.

And of course, making the decision to have sex daily didn’t mean that Muller desired it every day. “There were days when I didn’t want to do it,” she explains. “But then there were days when I didn’t want to do a lot of things.”

Though the idea of making it one more thing to tick off the list each day may seem daunting to women who juggle a career, run a household and raise kids, its benefits to your relationship are invaluable. It also doesn’t have to be “A-plus” sex every time.

Not only did regular sex revive Muller and her husband’s physical relationship, they began seeing improvements in other areas too. They were more considerate of each other, more connected and more trusting, she says.

Although the couple aren’t having sex as regularly as they were that first year, they do try to have sex at least two to three times a week. The trick is to keep communicating. “We have good months and bad months. The difference is we’re both very aware of it and we both work together to keep it high on the agenda.”